A few weeks back I attended a workshop with Triangle Pop
& Wind Blown Jewelry
and truly learned so much. We have implimented a lot of the advice and tips that were given during this experience except for one thing... I was told I needed to start a blog.
No way... No one wants to read what I have to say. Do I even HAVE anything to say?? What would I even talk about??
This is the ultimate self doubt energy I tend to hold on to when it comes to certain things. Today as I was reading my Mary & Martha 100 Days of Less Hustle More Jesus
and after reading todays devotion I knew this was a great place to start.
After all, the most growth comes when you step out of your comfort zone, so here goes one huge leap into that zone with a tremendous amount of vulnerability.
Todays devotional was titled BEAUTIFUL YOU.
Would anyone else cringe with me when reading this? Why do we not take compliments well? I crave kind words from others but cringe when they give them. Why is it that we feel this way sometimes? Why can't we all take it and run with it like my husband does? (seriously, sometimes I can see his head grow before my very eyes) Why can't we love ourselves and our bodies like the way God does? Why do we look at ourselves in the mirror and only see our imperfections instead of all the beautiful qualities he has given us?
These are all questions that constently run through my brain. Why, why, why do we have so much self doubt? and so many damning insecurities? "Look at those eyes of yours... There's a whole world in there! Your mouth, how it curves up at the edges when something lifts your heart. Are there some wrinkles? (personal insert: YES) Your face is telling your story, and oh, what a story it is. That girl who is you- SHE IS A MARVELOUS CREATION on a journey with Jesus."
As I read this my brain unconciously started listing every single one of my imperfections... I started writing each one down that came to my mind so I could see them all at once. I listed them one by one and in this moment I was stunned by how long my list grew and grew (and I probably left some out). I hated how it felt to see all my insecurities all written down on this page. What would someone think if they read these? Would they judge? Would they laugh? Would they pick on me and make me feel worse? OR would they completely understand and feel the exact same way.. ?
As hard as this is about to be and as uncomfortable as I'm going to be for me to share these with you, I believe someone out there may also need to read this and I challenge you to do the same. You dont have to share them of course, (but if you do please share them with me- lets do this together) or write them out for others to see. After you list your insecurites and imperfections, then write out beside them a positive fact. This really put things into perspective for me and I encourage you to do the same.
- First up is a tie between these two things. I have bunions and I have a deep wrinkle between my eyebrows. I am going to elaborate a little on these because they are the ones that truly bother me.
I love the summer because it means going to the pool and hanging out with my kids outside- but it also means sandals and flip flops. And guess what shows up most? My bunions.. (cringeee) As much as I can't stand them and as much as they pain me and ache after a run or briske walk and not to mention the CUTE shoes I cant wear... I CAN WALK. I CAN GET PLACE TO PLACE with them. They dont restrict me from getting places and I dont need help to do it.
Between my brows ("the 11's") I have a deep wrinkle, and have had it for years even though I am only 28 (29 on Wednesday). It never fails- every single time I take a picture and look at myself in it or look in the mirror, the first thing I see is the "indent" between my brows. I'll admit (and you can judge if you'd like but we all have our things) I have had Botox in the past and recently started it up again because it makes me feel better. But even with Botox, it's still there. But they are there because I show emotion, laugh with my kids and enjoy each day.
Imperfect Skin - But no severe skin diagnoses
Uneven Boobs - (I kid you not, one is a cup bigger than the other) but they fed my babies for over a year and helped build their immune systems and our connection together
Smaller Butt than I'd like - It was hard for me to find a plus on this one? But I can sit on it and play with my kids everyday, I can sit and work
Thighs Rub Together - But they are so strong!!
Big Nose - I get to smell the air on a beautiful Spring day like today, I can smell fresh flowers and home cooked meals
Not Straight/White Enough Teeth - But I can still SMILE
Straight Body Build - But it is healthy and oh so strong
Does reading any of these make you feel better? Does it make you understand that we all have these imperfections that bother us? And how we should just LET GO OF IT. That's not what God would want. He made us like this for a reason - because we are us and perfectly made.
"Look at those eyes of yours... There's a whole world in there!
Your mouth, how it curves up at the edges when something
lifts your heart. Are there some wrinkles? Your face is telling
your story, and oh, what a story it is. That girl who is you -
She is a marvelous creation on a journey with Jesus."
( Mary & Martha // 100 Days of Less Hustle More Jesus // Day 15 )